When he lost his spot at the flea market, JJ knew he didn’t deserve Tess. Her family had been right. His family – the ones worth talking to – were right. Tess was smart. If she hadn’t gotten with him, she might’ve done something. Gone somewhere that wasn’t so damned depressing and where the only thing to do was get fucked up.
“You’re just a bum,” Tess’s grandmother had said at the wedding. “I just hope she sees you’re a bum before it’s too late.”
It didn’t seem to matter how much he drank or how late he stayed out or what he did; he could never get Granny’s pronouncement out of his head. Tonight was no exception. He left before Tess got home from another double shift. Seeing her coming home, dragging her ass through the door only served to remind him that he wasn’t working. Darryl and Billy thought he had it made, though. Tess was the hottest girl in school, back when they were kids. Straight A student. Went to church. When JJ tagged her, they figured anything was possible. And when she worked doubles while he sat on his ass, they called him a genius.
“Where can I find me one of them?” Billy crowed. “She got a sister or cousin?”
“Hell, yeah,” Darryl agreed. “The younger the better. Gotta raise ‘em up right.”
They were dumbasses; but they were his friends. And Darryl was also family – first cousin on his mom’s side. Tess didn’t like them coming around; but she didn’t run them off, either. They’d come by as soon as they rolled out of bed – usually around noon or so – and by one the three of them would be well on their way to their first buzz of the day.
When they knocked on the door, JJ had half a mind to tell them to go away and leave him be. He needed to think. He needed to do something. He was supposed to fix the thermostat, and it might be nice if he picked things up. Tess wasn’t the kind of woman who wanted grand romance and expensive presents; but a clean house would certainly perk her up. He ignored the first few knocks. They just banged on the door louder. Billy threatened to turn the trailer over. Darryl said he’d piss in JJ’s gas tank if he didn’t wake his ass up and open the door. Some friends.
“I know you’re exhausted from all the working you been doing,” Billy said. “But you knew we were gonna drop by.”
“Yeah,” Darryl piped in. “We didn’t interrupt anything did we?”
“Tess is at work,” JJ muttered.
Darryl smiled and took a drink of his Mountain Dew. Three of his front teeth were missing. “We’re not talking about TESS. Where’s that cute little piece you were talking to last night at the bar?”
JJ opened the kitchen cabinet above the stove, looking for the coffee. He found the can. It was empty. He was supposed to go grocery shopping, too. Fuck. I need caffeine to deal with these assholes.
“She looked pretty nice,” Billy said, lighting a cigarette. JJ was about to remind him that Tess didn’t like people smoking in the house when Billy continued, “and she WAS all over you last night.”
“Some nice tits on that one,” Darryl said, nodding his head. “And that skirt! She might as well not been wearing anything at all.”
JJ thought her name was Claire or Claudine or something like that. She was somebody’s baby sister who snuck into the bar; though sneaking in wasn’t all that difficult. Scotty, who watched the door and checked ID’s let in any cute piece of snatch. The younger the better, since Scotty liked them young. Scotty was like Darryl; they closely adhered to the if they’re old enough to bleed, they’re old enough to breed philosophy. Billy, at least, liked his women old enough to drink. But he got laid less often.
“She’ll probly be there tonight,” Billy said.
“Uh-huh,” JJ muttered.
“Wake the fuck up, dude,” Darryl said. “We got shit to do.”
“Out of coffee.”
“So? Come on, we’ll get you a cup at the AAMACO station,” Darryl said. “ That one bitch who’s so sweet on you might be working… you know, the chubby one who used to give blow jobs during high school football games…”
“Yeah,” Billy, smiling. “She certainly made losing a little less painful.”
“I think her old man left her again,” Darryl said. “You might could tap that. If you wanted.”
“Nah,” JJ said.
“What’s the matter?” Billy asked. “Chubby chicks need love, too.”
JJ didn’t feel like dealing their bullshit, so he changed the subject. “I gotta get cleaned up.” He seemed to remember that the AAMACO station was looking for somebody to cover the early morning shift. Maybe if he went in and filled out an application…
“Cleaned up??” Billy was incredulous. “What the fuck for?”
“Put something on and let’s GO,” Darryl pushed. “And remind that woman of yours to do the laundry every once in a while.”
The day went on like that. The minute they got in JJ’s truck, Billy lit up a joint and passed it around. JJ took his hits and said very little. Driving through town, JJ was struck by how gray and depressing the place was. He knew it with his eyes closed, backwards, and forwards. It never really changed. Most of the businesses along Main Street were boarded up and empty – but they had been ever since Wal-Mart moved in up on the interstate by-pass. Hardly anybody stopped on Main Street. JJ had been thinking about opening up a business there. The space was cheap enough. When he’d had the table at the Flea Market he sold trinkets and things he found in yard sales, estate sales, and auctions. Most of the time he didn’t even look at what he was buying until after he got it. Boxes of everything from baby clothes to comic books to little figurines of angels. Sometimes he stumbled onto something that looked valuable – antique, even. He liked doing that – taking the stuff people didn’t want and selling it to somebody who did. It felt almost useful. Almost. Tess liked the idea when he mentioned it the week before – though she wasn’t sure how they would get the money.
“We’ll go to the bank,” he had told her. “Get a loan.”
“But it’s not that easy,” she’d said. “You have to have a plan, and some money set back, and…”
“If I had money set back,” JJ countered, “there’d be no reason to go to the bank.”
“I could ask my uncle,” she offered. “He might give us a small loan if we…”
“No.”
“But Jay…”
“I said ‘No’ god dammit. I’m not asking your family for a goddamn thing.”
“What?” she said. “You going to ask YOUR family?”
She was right, of course. Tess was right most of the time. But there was no way he was going to go begging to her family for money. It was bad enough that they were right about him. He didn’t see the point in proving it even more. After that, he and Tess didn’t really talk. She was working all the time and JJ tried never to be home when she was. He’d been sleeping on the couch for a while, anyway, because she didn’t like smelling him when he came home from the bar.
He’d planned on doing something when he got up. He wanted to do something so Tess would talk to him again. So she would look at him they way she used to. So he could look at himself in the mirror and not feel like he was the failure everybody (except Tess) had always expected him to be.
Naturally, the three of them ended up at the bar. One of Billy’s cousins was working the bar, and it was Ladies Night. The four of them went into the back office and smoked a little before it got too busy. Billy and Darryl were doing what they normally did. Darryl was ogling and chasing the girls that looked underage and Billy was striking out at the bar. Claudine was indeed at the bar again, looking very cute and accessible in a purple tube top that barely held her in and a skirt that was really more of belt.
“Do you have any dreams?” he asked her.
She smiled and rubbed his leg. “Honey, I dream ALL the time.” That smile. JJ knew he could ask her out the truck and she’d go.
“No… I mean. What do you want to DO? Are you planning on staying here for the rest of your life? Going to college? What?”
She snorted and her appletini almost shot out of her nose. “College? What? Are you serious? Who wants to go to school more than they have to? I can just get a job here in town and be FINE.”
He sighed. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.” He signaled Billy’s cousin for another drink.
She rubbed up next to him, making sure to give him a good view down her tube top. “Listen, Jay,” she whispered, running one of her fingers up and down his inner thigh. “I know where this is coming from. She doesn’t get you, you know? She was always too good for the rest of us. Her family, too. Bunch a snobs. Darryl told me how they acted when you got married.” She smiled up at him and licked her lips.
Oh yeah? JJ looked over at Darryl, who was trying to impress some little girl who looked like she was playing hooky from a junior high dance. He looked back at JJ and smiled that toothless shit eating grin. What ELSE did you hear from Darryl?
“You need somebody who UNDERSTANDS you, honey.” Her hand stopped at his crotch. She was running her fingernail up and down his zipper. “Let’s you and me go for a walk and talk about it, huh? I’m a GOOD Listener.”
JJ stood up and pushed her off of him. “I gotta go,” he said. Claudine looked shocked and confused. He looked over at Darryl and fought the urge to walk over and punch out the rest of his teeth. Like I need anything from that asshole. Instead, he turned and walked out of the bar without paying his tab. Let that child fucking prick pay it, he thought.
He didn’t realize how drunk he was until he stood up and tried to walk. He nearly pushed over Scotty trying to get out of the door. He got to his truck, climbed into the driver seat and, after fumbling with his keys for a little bit, got it started. He wasn’t worried about making it home. He knew the roads with his eyes closed. He just wanted to get home and talk to Tess. He knew she wouldn’t like that he was drunk, but he wanted to make things right. He wanted to tell her he would ask her uncle for a loan. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. He wanted to tell her he was going to sober up and apply for that job at AAMACO until they got the money together for the store. He wanted to tell her to stop working doubles. He wanted to fix the thermostat.
He was trying to remember all of the little chores she had wanted him to do, like fix the support beam under the front porch, when a deer ran out in front of him. He swerved to avoid hitting it, felt the truck flip, and went black. The next thing he heard were the sirens. And then he didn’t hear anything at all.
