On the occasion of his first DUI, Rusty ran his ’87 Mercury off the road, just over the hill out of town. He totaled the car and the Dr. had to cut open his skull to relieve the pressure on his brain. He lost his license for six months and developed a slight speech impediment, being unable to speak sound of the letter “x.”
On the occasion of his second DUI, Rusty was barreling home from Shyte’s Bar in his brand new red pick-up when he lost control coming over the hill just out of town. He swerved to miss a church choir bus, and flipped his truck. He shattered his back in 20 places and popped the distinctive mole on the tip of his nose that lent him so much beauty. He also lost his license for a year and had to stay in traction for 36 months.
On the occasion of his death, Rusty had learned his lesson and stayed at home to drink. He stumbled out on the back porch to piss and fell into a large briar bush. He bled out almost immediately when he tried to remove the briars from his limp prick. But before he died, a loose sliver of bone in his back shifted and dug into his spine, paralyzing him from the waist down.
His end was thought merciful and provident by the entire community.
