She told me I took things too seriously
and that nobody likes to be around somebody
who can’t talk about the weather
or about the latest episode of Friends
or about the lives of the rich and famous. Your stare
is too intense, she went on, and it makes people
uncomfortable, and when you drink (she went on)
all you do is sit in the corner and watch everybody
like you’re studying them for a science project.
People, she informed me, were not lab rats, and
it wasn’t any wonder that women didn’t like me
because I didn’t act the way women like
and I took flirting too seriously
and would never look them right in eye
at the right moment. And I thought too much, too,
and read the wrong books,
and was entirely too deliberate;
and if I wasn’t going to lose weight,
I should at least learn how to be jolly
so that people wouldn’t worry
that I’d sit on them
just for spite.
